Take time to be present

Be Here Now is one of the first rules of the Hygge Manifesto, listed as an aspect of Presence. It is also an important rule for interacting with our children. Our children need our full attention when they ask for it. They will interrupt conversations, pull on hands and arms, exhibit a full range of negative behaviors, and otherwise demand attention until they make themselves heard. It can be beneficial to apply the tenet of Be Here Now when this happens; to stop what we are doing as soon as they ask for our attention and fully focus on them until their need is met.

It seems Nordic parents follow this pattern. According to a Danish mother of seven quoted in Helen Russell’s The Year of Living Danishly, “A lot of parents feel guilt about being away from their children because of work and so they make sure they invest a lot of time in their kids whenever they can.” They tend to fully focus on their children as soon as they are finished with work, sometimes to the detriment of their relationship with their spouse.

Childhood is so fleeting. It feels like you have forever and then in a blink they’re nearly adults and venturing out on their own. Focusing on those tender moments when they want you around and need your love and attention brings benefits to both the child and the parent. It boosts their self-esteem, making them feel important. It also builds social and emotional skills and strengthens the bond between parent and child.

When we give children our undivided attention as soon as they ask for it, they feel secure and loved and will typically go off on their own once their immediate need has been met. The reassurance that we will care for their needs allows them to be more independent. And independence is a very Nordic trait.

What did I learn from this?

Commit your undivided time and energy when your child asks for your attention.