One marshmallow or two?

There was once a famous experiment done involving children and marshmallows in which children were given one marshmallow and told they could have it now, but if they waited to eat it until the adult came back they could have a second one as well. There have been a lot of interpretations of, and additions to, this experiment but the main takeaway is that delayed gratification is good for us. We are more successful if we are able to give up an immediate benefit for a more desirable benefit later. 

After observing many versions of the Nordic Christmas traditions, I have noticed a distinct variation of the marshmallow experiment being played out. The basic tradition involves beginning the day as usual, getting ready, preparing the house for guests, and all the typical morning tasks. Then comes a big family dinner, where children can see the gifts under the tree, but must sit, well-behaved, through the full meal before it is time to open their gifts. The anticipation is exciting and most small children will not be able to contain themselves or their excess energy. But tradition demands obedience, and so they slowly learn to wait patiently for their reward. 

These children are learning delayed gratification. They see that they must wait, but know the reward is still there; it’s not going anywhere. So they learn to sit through what they see as a very tedious event in order to earn the prize on the other side. In essence, they learn that if they put forth the effort it takes to be disciplined, there is a reward to be had. They learn to work for what they get.

In contrast, the American Christmas experience resembles the Wild West where children race down the stairs as early as their parents will allow and throw themselves into the task of consumerism with reckless abandon. There is nothing to make them stop and think about the purpose of the experience. There is nothing to make them learn that waiting will bring any sort of reward. They only know that the presents are there, they want the presents, and so they open them as quickly as they can (with some minor organization imposed by most parents).

I don’t know if this one facet of the Nordic holidays can truly translate into the benefits inherent in their culture, but I do know that many small things can combine to create a lasting impact. And this small act of delayed gratification creates a solid base for success later in life.

What did I learn from this?

Teaching our children that expected behaviors earn reliable results sets them up for success later in life.