I love seeing my son learn on his own

I put my two-year-old in preschool this fall. Even though it was a very relaxed environment, more like day care than school, he lasted all of three days before adamantly stating “I don’t want to go to school.” So I took him out.

It was the right choice. I love that we have more time together at home. I also love that he seems perfectly content to do his learning on his own. We play board games, play ball, sing songs, watch videos, play hide-and-seek, draw, create, and practice everyday tasks like drinking from a glass without spilling and cleaning up our messes.

And everywhere we go and every activity he participates in, he is learning. He counted to 18 the other day. I was floored. And then I realized that the older children count to 20 during hide-and-seek. He sings the alphabet song on his own, which I haven’t sung with him in weeks, and then I remember that he watched some preschool singing videos while I worked. And his vocabulary grows by leaps and bounds every day. All without school.

I know that most Americans don’t agree that he’s fine without school. All the other parents I know are forcing their children to go to school, learn the letters, memorize their numbers, and learn to socialize. But I agree with Anu Partanen, who wrote in her book The Nordic Theory of Everything:

“Childhood should be childhood. Finnish day-care centers have no specific goals when it comes to teaching the alphabet, or numbers, or vocabulary. Instead they follow each individual child’s interests and create a foundation for later independent learning by supporting children’s social skills and curiosity. Mostly this is done according to a well-known Finnish proverb: “A child’s job is to play.”” (page 128-129)

And play they do. They play indoors and outdoors, with others and alone, quietly and exuberantly. But it’s always play and it’s always at their own pace.

Nordics place a very high importance on allowing children to play for as long as possible. Anu says,“[I]n the Nordic countries there is a very clear distinction between day care and school. Education proper does not begin until children are six or seven years old… If you ask Finns, their day-care centers for younger children are not schools at all, and are not meant to be.” (page 128)

When some Nordic day-care centers began monitoring childrens’ progress, parents reacted very negatively. Speaking about a friend, Anu writes, “[She] told me she’d prefer that the staff just leave her children alone to play by themselves, discovering and expressing their inclinations and creativity.” (page 127)

The Kraken is two and a half and is picking up all sorts of knowledge from his older siblings. He’s learning through play. He doesn’t need pre-school at all.

“In Nordic thinking, letting children play, letting them get creative in solving the problem of their own boredom, is a head start on future learning that potentially goes much deeper than memorization and early technical mastery.” (page 131)

I agree with Anu. The depth of experience the Kraken is getting while learning through observation and play is so much richer than anything rote memorization could ever achieve.

But after giving it a little more thought, I think he does need more outside time. I like the reminder Anu gives that kids in Finland are often out playing in the cold. I think I’ll just add some layers.

What did I learn from this?

Don’t be afraid to let your child manage his own learning. He’ll do just fine.